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cw: cannibalism

[diarists]

[he doesn't know. he doesn't know, he doesn't and

it's all over anyway. jackie saw. jackie saw.]

we ate her.
when it got cold and we ran out of food.
we ate her and then javi and then coach and then mari.





you don't want me anywhere near you.

[holyposition]

I saw. In the gallery.

Well, I saw Jackie. I'm sorry about the rest of them, too.

Respectfully, please don't tell me what it is I want. I know how to figure that out for myself. I'm asking you what you want.

[diarists]

[there's a very long pause.]

you saw?
and you still



why?

[holyposition]

You suffered a horrible tragedy, and did what you had to so you could survive. Not just for you, but your baby. It wasn't pleasant to watch, but I would guess that being there in the uncertainty and the hunger was even worse. I should abandon you for that?

[diarists]

everyone else has.

[unfair, unjust, they were kids too, but shauna isn't exactly in a place to be forgiving anymore.]

[holyposition]

You supported me when I was a monster. If you ever were, I would still be a friend to you.

[diarists]

that's not
you didn't have a choice. it wasn't really you.

it was really me. us.
we tried to blame it on some bigger power, out there, but it wasn't ever that.
it was just us.

[holyposition]

I don't believe that. The power wasn't me, but the anger was.

Do you want to have lunch with me and Harry tomorrow? If it were me, I'd want to do things to take my mind off it.

[diarists]

you're that angry?
really?




i guess.
yeah.
i don't have anything else to do.

[holyposition]

I try not to be. I have a lot to be grateful for, so I can usually focus on that.

I DIED, though. I bled out, slowly, by myself, behind a funnel cake cart. Nothing that was supposed to happen after actually did, it was just right back to the big torture house. I didn’t even have time to process it before our month in fantasy land, and now it’s old news. I’m supposed to just get over it and move on, like I can flick a switch and decide everything’s fine. I’ve been doing this for a year. I don’t know what else He wants from me. And that makes me want to burn the rest of this place down, but if I dwell on it, it’ll swallow me whole. So I can’t.

I'm going to find something meaningful to do, like connect with people I care about, even after watching them cut people up. So I hope you like biscuits and gravy.

[diarists]

you died?
in may?
i slept through most of may. i guess
i missed that.



is that why you kinda went
you know
off the deep end?

yeah. i mean, i like gravy. not a lot of biscuits in jersey.