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[diarists]

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[haggle]

( i can take care of myself, don't worry. been doing that for a minute. something itches at ani's brainstem. a ping of the lie detector that lives in her head, qualifying shauna's bullshit — and all of its bravado — for what it is. because it's ani's bullshit, too. the battle cry of someone who has faced life with an army of three — me, myself, and i.

she could call it out. could say me too, for all that it means anything, and what it means is — a whole lot of nothing, really. just membership to the my mom is a fuck-up club, or induction into the maybe it's not her, and i'm the real fuck-up sisterhood. just understanding shauna is too young to feel that way, that ani had been too young to feel that way, and now she's too old to feel that way. too grown to believe in a world where she doesn't have to go it alone. but it'd be nice, she sometimes, in those soft, gauzy hours between dreaming and waking, to be able to say: i can handle shit myself, but i don't always have to.

she stares, silently, at shauna's pixelated, throwaway confession for longer than she reasonably should. realizes, with the same exasperated sigh of a dad that said we are not keeping that to a stray you bring in from the rain, there's a stupid fucking sense of responsibility forming. the dreaded, unfortunate knowledge that shauna is just like every other newbie that pops up at hq, now and then: greener than the green they're chasing, and in need of someone like her to shadow. )

bunch of fucking bozos that's who
sam, saber, seb, armand, shadowheart, freya, roza, emmrich, danny, devon, eddie, iggy, joe
think silco got the shittier end of the stick tho
bigger clowns in his circus

you know any of 'em?
sam's good people
roza too

[diarists]

[the names tick through her mind, mostly unfamiliar with one notable exception, but – it’s not the exception shauna’s afraid of. there’s no nat, no jackie, no mel, no travis. nobody who can point and expose her for what she is, at least not before she has a chance to make herself indispensable. hard work and dedication goes a long way, and hopefully by the time anyone tries to undermine her, shauna will already be a valuable employee.]

i know saber, yeah
dunno the rest. not really a big social person.
the other girls loved a kegger or whatever, especially out by the river but i hated all that shit, even back home.

if u say they’re good i believe u.

anyone in the circus i should watch out for?