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[diarists]

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Comments

[masticated]

why do you care if it's your fault?

[more of this 'it' business. lottie mentioned 'it' briefly, but shauna hasn't been so clear about the reference until now– not that he can remember, anyway. doesn't matter. he can use this.]

no other way huh? 'cause of it? better do anything you can to please whatever that is or somethin' bad will happen
right?

dyin's part of it for me. i got a while before i get crazy again but what's one more time? are you tryin' to find a reason to kill somebody like me?

[diarists]

cause jackie was.

[first time she's said it aloud, not the endless writing in her journals, not the spiraling of her thoughts my fault my fault my fault]

sort of.
i don't think it can be pleased, though.
just postponed.
it's in us, it IS us, i'm not totally sure.
but there's no getting rid of it.

you've died before? how many times?
there's nobody like you, saber.

[except maybe me.]

cw cannibalism and suicide mention

[masticated]

was she one of the ones you ate?

sounds like me hahaha good luck with that

uh first time was an accident and Mom revived me, second time i killed myself
didn't we talk about this? maybe not. that week was a blur
i think i came back the weekend hex club opened

[diarists]

fuck you. [yes.]

oh shit
that's right
i'm supposed to work there, i guess
but that was right when mel was remembering shit and

whatever, doesn't matter.
death's like a reset button for you?

[masticated]

fuck you too

remembering how much you screwed her over? not that she told me anything but you and your freakshow friends make it obvious
plus i'm pretty sure you said her name once while i was eating you out

yeah it makes everything quiet again

cw: vague suicidal ideation ig

[diarists]

only once?

[a pause, considering.]

she was my best friend. and then i got pregnant with her boyfriend's baby.
we had a big fight, she went to sleep outside.
she froze to death.
the end.

almost sounds nice.

[masticated]

shit you want me to count how many times you say her name?

you messy girl i bet you wanted that baby to be hers
so her death is your fault huh
do you wanna die?

[diarists]

yeah, keep a little spreadsheet or something.
i'll get you some fucking star stickers for it, how bout that?

we used to have sleepovers together.
"practice".




i died when she did. when my baby did.
i've been dead this whole time.